New Directions for Men

The old norms so useful for tens of thousands of years had men predominantly as the providers and protectors. The hierarchical structure of dominance supported king of the herd practices that I see documented on the Nature channel. Later humans learned to cooperate later developed social systems that evolved to tribes and today's communities. Tens of thousands of years later the situation is not the same. The dominance pattern or hostility patterns of old is not really useful. Men and women now work together and the world and business has become more relational.

This blog is about family, fathers, sons and comes with a heavy emphasis on being a man in today's world. Over the past six months I have been collecting and reading articles about young males coming of age, young adult men and in general how men operate and change in enjoy life in 2011 and beyond. I'm posting links to them here along. It's been in draft mode for too long.

Where Have All The Good Men Gone?
Wall Street Journal Feb 19, 2010
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704409004576146321725889448.html?mod=e2tw

The End Of Men
Atlantic Monthly July 2010
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/the-end-of-men/8135/

National Center for Educational Statistics
Income levels for men and women age 25-34
http://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=77

Young People Reach Adulthood Later
Discovery News Feb 16, 2011
http://news.discovery.com/human/young-people-reaching-adulthood-later.html#mkcpgn=rssnws1

Sharing and Passing It On

What do you pass on to your children?
Parents help their children learn skills- personal, professional, and how to be and live in the world. They share their gifts of who they are...and stand to witness the children as unique individuals of their own.

I'm reminded of this as my birthday was last week. Each birthday in our family comes with a special meal- a dinner at a restaurant, at home, or an exotic take out. For the last three years my birthday craving has been Japanese food- particularly sashimi. I enjoy the mix and mystery of both artful presentation and diverse flavors. This time we had take out of tempura, appetizers and a sushi/sashimi tray from Sakura (yelp) in Wyckoff. We added some additional sushi grade tuna steak from Ramsey Farms (yelp).

Afterward we posed for a picture- full of fish

So the amazing thing, the blessing for me- is to see our family enjoy the combo. They're highly interested in experiencing new flavors, textures and enjoying it together.

History of Baseball- NPR

We have just returned from Florida and spring baseball and following the Ramapo College team. After months of freezing temperatures, shoveling snow and indoor time having a succession of 80 degree days in Winter Haven was a great experience. Winter Haven is in the middle of the state and and is dominated with fields of citrus and cattle. For years Chain Of Lakes Park in Winter Haven was the spring training home of the Cleveland Indians. Today it is the home of the Russ Matt Central Florida Spring Tournament where hundreds of college teams come south and get their first experiences of the year outdoors. Ramapo is having a great trip with a record of 9-1 with one game remaining. Tim is a senior this year and a pitcher on the team. He has done well on both of his Florida outings. The team's first game in cold New Jersey is March 24.

(pictures to come)

So when I got this link to the NPR Fresh Air program I listened. With its origin often attributed to Abner Doubleday and the first game with organized rules played in 1845 in Coopersburg, NY, this interview describes records of an earlier style baseball game in 1755 that has evolved. John Thorn, historian of baseball for the MLB has written a book, "Baseball in the Garden of Eden" and is interviewed by Dave Davies from NPR. Over time the game has evolved in number of bases, overhand versus underhand pitching, size of field, fair and foul areas, teams, payment and sponsorship and the influence of gambling are covered in this 18 minute interview.

Gratitude- A Way Forward

I'm teaching a class for new students on the philosophy of greater living. One of the things we talked about was using journaling as a way to raise the student's personal awareness of different situations. One section suggests journaling about gratitude.

So I am grateful for having participated in the family event for my Uncle. And I'm grateful for all the ways that he helped me understand my Dad, his brother. It's not that I understand my father so much more, it is really that I have come to a peaceful perspective. I have come into balance and walk with greater insight. I am ready to move forward. Thank you for your gifts. I am grateful. And So It Is.

Transformation

Tomorrow I'm attending the Memorial service for my father's brother, Bud.  Bud passed from this Earth about a month ago. He was nearly 92 and lived to be the oldest of any of our known male family members.

Bud and I became closer after my father made his transition at age 78, about five years ago.  Dad was 8 years younger than his brother. Eight years is not a large age difference but by the time their mother died, my Dad was 6 and Bud was 14. They had two different experiences growing up.

Some people comment how Bud and John were so different. Bud would always speak his mind and could be offensive and self-occupied as he worked on his hobbies and job. He shared his opinions and judgments with all who would listen. My Dad (John) always displayed kindness to strangers, but he carried an intense drive and inherent anger. So they were different- one letting anger out, the other putting it deep inside.  And they were similar also. Both went through heart surgery, a product of their time and their deep enjoyment of all beef products.  Both men were technical and self- schooled engineers in both mechanics and electronics. They were also both HAM radio operators, K3IUZ and W3GOS. Both loved to study and figure things out. Both followed a tradition of their job being their life and both provided for their families through their work and life decisions.

And what strikes me is that both brothers experienced a transformation in their thinking during the last ten years of their lives. When Bud's wife Mary passed early in the decade, he experienced great grief. He missed Mary and was sad about the prioritization and decisions with his partner in their sixty plus years of marriage. It was in that time that he experienced a transformation of thought, a mellowing and a greater connection to life and family. His heart softened. I am grateful to have experienced this. For his brother, John, the transformation came during his recovery after a stroke. John transformed from the angry man to the more care free, story telling and loving man. I am grateful to have experienced this.

In the Bible, Acts 9:10-22 Saul was a zealous man who really disliked Christians. Traveling on the roadside a light appeared to Saul and he was blinded.  Jesus sent Ananias to lay hands on Saul and he regained his sight.  It was after that event that Saul transformed began proclaiming "He is the son of God"  Saul became Paul and used his zeal to evangelize the word to Rome and even further west.

So my message tomorrow is on how we live in relation to each other. These men, raised by my Grandfather, Wilbert, and who went on to lead successful lives lived their best. No matter what has happened up to this day let us live in relation to each other with celebration of the transformed consciousness. Let the love that these men found and professed in their last days be ours today, tomorrow and beyond.

Bud and F-A-I-T-H

My father's elder brother, Wilbert Charles "Bud", made his transition last Friday at the age of 91. While he has always been my uncle I had the privilege to visit, speak and share dinners with him more frequently over the past five years. Here is a re-post of his thoughts on faith. More posts to come on this man and our family.

Father's Day Gift

This year for Father's Day my sons took me to see a Yankee game. July 1 was my first trip to the year old new stadium and with clear skies, breezes from the northwest and 78 degrees the day was beautiful. Joan, Ted, Tim and I attended.  The Yankees played the Seattle Mariners- CC Sabathia pitched and led with a 2-0 lead until the 8th inning when Seattle tied it up. In the bottom of the 8th A-Rod launched a home run to right field to give the Yankees a 4-2 lead. All they had to do was get three outs in the top of the 9th.  In came Mariano Rivera, the closer.  Mariano, 40, is still considered the best closer and delivers fast balls at 90+ mph. His 'cutter' appears as a fast ball as it approaches the batter, but then...it explodes and cuts down and in to a left hander (down and away for a right hander).  He gets batters out with either a strike out or a ground ball.

As the father of pitchers and players you gain an appreciation for the physical and mental aspects of delivering the ball across the plate in a sequence of speed and location that keeps the batter's swing timing subject to uncertainty. We got to see Mariano do his genius as he retired the 3 batters in the 9th and then this weekend he is the subject of the feature article Mariano Rivera, King of the Closers in The New York Times Magazine.  It is a great article about his mental attitude and performance as a pitcher and don't miss the video that explains how the ball moves as it leaves his hand and moves toward the batter.

Ted has a great skill in organizing. I think he learned it from a) his German heritage and b) his training as an Eagle Scout and c) as a teacher. So this trip came about with Ted's clarity and skill in getting tickets and having us all ready and out the door on time. He orchestrated a great day.  We have begun a new tradition. Now if he can only help us get there and back without traffic.