Transformation

Tomorrow I'm attending the Memorial service for my father's brother, Bud.  Bud passed from this Earth about a month ago. He was nearly 92 and lived to be the oldest of any of our known male family members.

Bud and I became closer after my father made his transition at age 78, about five years ago.  Dad was 8 years younger than his brother. Eight years is not a large age difference but by the time their mother died, my Dad was 6 and Bud was 14. They had two different experiences growing up.

Some people comment how Bud and John were so different. Bud would always speak his mind and could be offensive and self-occupied as he worked on his hobbies and job. He shared his opinions and judgments with all who would listen. My Dad (John) always displayed kindness to strangers, but he carried an intense drive and inherent anger. So they were different- one letting anger out, the other putting it deep inside.  And they were similar also. Both went through heart surgery, a product of their time and their deep enjoyment of all beef products.  Both men were technical and self- schooled engineers in both mechanics and electronics. They were also both HAM radio operators, K3IUZ and W3GOS. Both loved to study and figure things out. Both followed a tradition of their job being their life and both provided for their families through their work and life decisions.

And what strikes me is that both brothers experienced a transformation in their thinking during the last ten years of their lives. When Bud's wife Mary passed early in the decade, he experienced great grief. He missed Mary and was sad about the prioritization and decisions with his partner in their sixty plus years of marriage. It was in that time that he experienced a transformation of thought, a mellowing and a greater connection to life and family. His heart softened. I am grateful to have experienced this. For his brother, John, the transformation came during his recovery after a stroke. John transformed from the angry man to the more care free, story telling and loving man. I am grateful to have experienced this.

In the Bible, Acts 9:10-22 Saul was a zealous man who really disliked Christians. Traveling on the roadside a light appeared to Saul and he was blinded.  Jesus sent Ananias to lay hands on Saul and he regained his sight.  It was after that event that Saul transformed began proclaiming "He is the son of God"  Saul became Paul and used his zeal to evangelize the word to Rome and even further west.

So my message tomorrow is on how we live in relation to each other. These men, raised by my Grandfather, Wilbert, and who went on to lead successful lives lived their best. No matter what has happened up to this day let us live in relation to each other with celebration of the transformed consciousness. Let the love that these men found and professed in their last days be ours today, tomorrow and beyond.

Uncle Bud - 2

Phase II began the week of my father's passing. Bud was 87 then. My Dad died a few months before his 79th birthday. When I spoke Bud by phone he said, "I really want to be there." I heard strong determination in his voice and what I interpreted as his intention to honor the memory of his brother, John, by being present for the memorial. Bud considered flying but has always loved cars and driving. He drove his Chevy Impala the 1100 miles from Pennsylvania to Florida. Armed with GPS on his dashboard and operating at least 2 ham radios for the trip he drove down with just one overnight stay. Bud's wife, Mary, had passed about 2 years before and his wife's sister, Jean, came as his travel companion. His son and sister were really angry with his decision, describing him with words like 'crazy old man'. He arrived safely in Florida and was part of the family remembrance and celebration.

Photo - From Left to Right- Dad , Bud, Mary's sister Jean

We comforted each other. As brothers, they are not that similar in physical appearance or demeanor. They are different builds- My Dad being taller and perhaps leaner and Bud shorter and rounder in the waist. But I recognize from pictures of both of them that they have the family features of my grandfather, the same nose and matching facial lines around their chin along with fine white hair of experience and wisdom.

I started to spend more time with Bud that year. We went from seeing each other every few years to 2 or 3 times a year. In the months after March 05 I drove the 2 hours to Bud's house a few times. Always a collector- electronics, old oscilloscopes, guns, tools and shell reloading apparatus, his ham radio shack and his basement are like a museum. Today it's hard for him to type or do too much with fine motor movement with his hands so the workshop. At almost 91 he reads all email but just doesn't reply.

I think our first life discussion was at the back of the church while getting ready for my father's memorial service. Bud explained the places where he and Dad grew up in Philadelphia and what it was like for my dad growing up after his mother passed. A few months later I went to the church where Dad was baptized Schwenckfelder Church (now part of United Church of Christ) found his baptismal record and visited my grandfather's homes where he grew up. Then I did the ancestry.com search and along with my Aunt Gertrude uncovered some family history of people and geography and our connection to German electro-mechanical heritage. Touring through Germany in 2005 I could see the similarities between Bavaria and Pennsylvania and why so many Germans migrated to Pennsylvania.

Over the past four years Bud has been a part of many family celebrations. We spent an Easter dinner together. He surprised me once and attended the installation service marking the start of my Ministry. Two years later we went to watch Tim play ball on a summer college league at nearby Quakertown. One time I stayed overnight at his house. And the next day we got up, went for breakfast and he came to my Sunday talk at the nearby Spiritual Center. Each trip we always find a place to go for dinner. That night we sat outdoors on his porch well past sunset and talked and talked. Every time we get together I listen to the stories about his youth, family, the 'old man'- my grandfather and my dad- 'Johnny'. We share work experiences, talk about investments, life, living and our mortality.

It's been a year since I visited Bud. He's been experiencing a tired heart. We've talked on the phone but last week was my first face to face since he moved from his home into the assisted living center. His family and granddaughters look out for him. He still has his car but doesn't drive much. He's a little unsteady on his feet but claims that when he gets behind the wheel things come completely to focus. I believe him.
In his room is a big screen flat screen, a bed and couple of well stuffed chairs. Two PCs are open on a table. And the biggest thing in his room is his 8 foot wooden workbench full of radios and antennas. We celebrated our visit by having dinner out. The restaurant was almost full and the high volume of the traveling softball team overdrove his hearing aid so we covered fewer topics than usual and focused on our prime rib. His mind works well. I drove the 115 miles back home completely satisfied and enriched feeling grateful for the day, connected to my family and our heritage; connected to the blessing of life itself.