Guy Hugs

Almost every night when I was a kid I would physically go to my father and say "Good night, Dad.  I love You". He often spent evenings at the kitchen table thinking or planning and I would approach, kiss his cheek, feel his day long beard, say my words and then head off to my room. It was an obligatory ritual that I lived by and it provided a symbolic sign off for the day.
In my early 30s now out of the house for 10 years we had begun shifting out relationship to that of adults. At a cousin's wedding, in my joy of seeing him I hugged Dad and today remember feeling that I was the hugger and he was the huggee.  Now most often hugs happen and with reciprocating action.  That is, it is a mutual exchange of hugs. Today I see that neither of us had gone through hug training. So when I saw this instructional video on hugging I wanted to pass it on.  Practice with a brother or friend.

School's back

For the first time in 5 years all three of my sons are in school. Ted is busily studying and mastering the thousands of muscles and ligaments names for his anatomy and phys class. He studies at William Paterson. Tim is through general studies at Ramapo and is focusing on Communications Studies. And Zach after a few years of working at a consultancy in international affairs and then moving to a technical career in web development and project management has now begun an 8 month full time program on that topic through Boston University. I am impressed with their maturity, well articulated goals and am really appreciating watching each young man think, learn and blossom. What a gift!

Uncle Bud - 2

Phase II began the week of my father's passing. Bud was 87 then. My Dad died a few months before his 79th birthday. When I spoke Bud by phone he said, "I really want to be there." I heard strong determination in his voice and what I interpreted as his intention to honor the memory of his brother, John, by being present for the memorial. Bud considered flying but has always loved cars and driving. He drove his Chevy Impala the 1100 miles from Pennsylvania to Florida. Armed with GPS on his dashboard and operating at least 2 ham radios for the trip he drove down with just one overnight stay. Bud's wife, Mary, had passed about 2 years before and his wife's sister, Jean, came as his travel companion. His son and sister were really angry with his decision, describing him with words like 'crazy old man'. He arrived safely in Florida and was part of the family remembrance and celebration.

Photo - From Left to Right- Dad , Bud, Mary's sister Jean

We comforted each other. As brothers, they are not that similar in physical appearance or demeanor. They are different builds- My Dad being taller and perhaps leaner and Bud shorter and rounder in the waist. But I recognize from pictures of both of them that they have the family features of my grandfather, the same nose and matching facial lines around their chin along with fine white hair of experience and wisdom.

I started to spend more time with Bud that year. We went from seeing each other every few years to 2 or 3 times a year. In the months after March 05 I drove the 2 hours to Bud's house a few times. Always a collector- electronics, old oscilloscopes, guns, tools and shell reloading apparatus, his ham radio shack and his basement are like a museum. Today it's hard for him to type or do too much with fine motor movement with his hands so the workshop. At almost 91 he reads all email but just doesn't reply.

I think our first life discussion was at the back of the church while getting ready for my father's memorial service. Bud explained the places where he and Dad grew up in Philadelphia and what it was like for my dad growing up after his mother passed. A few months later I went to the church where Dad was baptized Schwenckfelder Church (now part of United Church of Christ) found his baptismal record and visited my grandfather's homes where he grew up. Then I did the ancestry.com search and along with my Aunt Gertrude uncovered some family history of people and geography and our connection to German electro-mechanical heritage. Touring through Germany in 2005 I could see the similarities between Bavaria and Pennsylvania and why so many Germans migrated to Pennsylvania.

Over the past four years Bud has been a part of many family celebrations. We spent an Easter dinner together. He surprised me once and attended the installation service marking the start of my Ministry. Two years later we went to watch Tim play ball on a summer college league at nearby Quakertown. One time I stayed overnight at his house. And the next day we got up, went for breakfast and he came to my Sunday talk at the nearby Spiritual Center. Each trip we always find a place to go for dinner. That night we sat outdoors on his porch well past sunset and talked and talked. Every time we get together I listen to the stories about his youth, family, the 'old man'- my grandfather and my dad- 'Johnny'. We share work experiences, talk about investments, life, living and our mortality.

It's been a year since I visited Bud. He's been experiencing a tired heart. We've talked on the phone but last week was my first face to face since he moved from his home into the assisted living center. His family and granddaughters look out for him. He still has his car but doesn't drive much. He's a little unsteady on his feet but claims that when he gets behind the wheel things come completely to focus. I believe him.
In his room is a big screen flat screen, a bed and couple of well stuffed chairs. Two PCs are open on a table. And the biggest thing in his room is his 8 foot wooden workbench full of radios and antennas. We celebrated our visit by having dinner out. The restaurant was almost full and the high volume of the traveling softball team overdrove his hearing aid so we covered fewer topics than usual and focused on our prime rib. His mind works well. I drove the 115 miles back home completely satisfied and enriched feeling grateful for the day, connected to my family and our heritage; connected to the blessing of life itself.

Uncle Bud

My grandfather's, Wilbert H., first child Wilbert Charles 'Bud' was born in Philadelphia in 1918. Eight years older than my father he has spent his life and career in Pennsylvania and also in Long Island in aerospace. He came back to Pennsylvania and settled in an adjacent property to my grandfather's farm. While never completing high school, Bud developed great competence in electronics, mechanics, technical problem solving and customer service he has always and he continues to have a thirst for knowledge. He translated the knowledge and skills into a successful industrial career.

It was interesting that both of them began playing the electronic organ in their 40's and 50's- go figure. Both of my sisters continued with music in their college studies and adult lives. Through their adult lives Dad and Bud saw each other 3 or 5 times a year. In retirement they continued to enjoy some hobbies together- they always had ham radios. My dad began moving away from technical and more into sailing, camping, traveling across the US and cruising. Bud and his wife, Mary attended our family reunions, graduations and summer get togethers when my folks visited from Florida. (Photo Gwen's H.S. Graduation 2001 - l to r Dad, U. Bud, Zach) That was all phase I.

Sharing Nature

Ted is already accomplished as an outdoorsman. He grew up in the Scouting program and from the time he was 13 was doing canoe trips in the Adirondacks. He learned a lot about the outdoors and also about himself through the program. As a senior patrol leader he had a chance to develop and practice his leadership methods and style, his communication and how to get things done.

I was surprised when Ted mentioned that he had never been hiking at Ramapo Reservation. Scouting has a long distinguished history in Bergen County and there have been at least two scout camps along the hills of the Ramapo River where Ted has overnighted... but I'm talking about a day hike here. So I had the chance to lead and introduce Ted to the trails and ease of accessibility and the diversity of terrain of what is today my favorite outdoor space. We hiked South along the river and then inland and up the rocky hill on the 'Orange' trail. When we merged with the paved road we headed back down the hill. So our movement exercise that day was not tennis or bike riding, but instead we spent a few hours in the shade and sun on the trail. What an excellent day!

Fathers Day 09

I have been experiencing Father's Day for a few weeks now. I've always wondered how the 8mm film I took in the 90's would ever make it 20 or 30 years later. What technology would be available to convert those images and experiences to be replayed...now? My 8mm camera is long non-functioning, the DVD video camera works ok and the new MP4 digital memory HDvideo camera is my latest tool, along with a backup hard drive.

So fathers day began with looking at my 35mm slides and remembering experiences back in 1975 through the late 80's when that was my prime medium. Then I researched how to get the slides and then the early 1990's videos into a digital format. I went down a quick ride through memory lane as I sorted the slides into A(must digitize), B(nice but not top priority) and C (the bulk of them- leave as they are). I've been working with my A slides- And this is one that represents Father's Day- Zach (now 27) was a few months old, me the father holding him and my father looking over. Ages 3 months, 28 and 58 years old.

I found that you can send out 8mm or VHS to be digitized, or you can add a card to your PC but what I chose was a simple DVR. I found an old 8mm video camera that supported the analog video and sound out that then inputs into the recorder. Every morning for the past two weeks I've been starting a recording, catching a few key elements of family history and letting the DVR do it's work. I'm up to 18 DVDs that go back to 1990 where Tim was just a year old and his language was a series of grunts and motions. I captured then and watched now sports events, parties, class plays, visits from family, night time skate grinding in the back yard, camping vacations, reunions that now are all so special 15-19 years later. Most of these videos I had never watched after the day they were taken. Too many cables.

Father's Day as activity-
Ted, Tim and I have been doing home projects- Tim has just completed painting a room. It came out well and he has more plans to move roller against wall. Ted and I have been attic jockeys installing ceiling fans in 3 rooms. In the late afternoon we try to take a break from the project and get out. Some days we're playing tennis and on other we're bike riding and the other night we went to the park to watch 8 year old baseball. We didn't stay long but it is the same park where I taped Tim in 1997. We live in an NJ town of tradition, where things do not change very much, even from generation to generation. There is a park, with a swimming lake, sports fields, the red barn for picnics and sports awards presentations and a playground. Driving past the playground I saw a family of 3 generations getting back into their car. There were 6 people. One was an older man and a younger man (my guess the father and son) moving slowly and getting into the front seat. There were two women (my guess the mother and daughter -generationally) and then there were the two small kids, maybe age 3 - 5. It's funny how that image and the replayed movie images I had watched that morning took me back to when my kids were that age and my parents came to visit and we spent time at the playground. That is when I remembered my father.

That is one end of the spectrum of father's day- remembering my Dad. Then the other end is of course being a Dad. I close with this picture taken last week of the three adults. Part of this revolution and recreation of photographic expression I'm having is planning my next set of pictures. This was taken in raw mode on my Nikon D70s. Once I figure out how to process raw images I'm going to have it printed.

Homer

I met Homer when I was in my 20's. A life long dairy farmer from NE Penna, his father purchased the land in the 30s I believe. And now the 4th generation of family operates the farm. Homer and his son Lew have been anchors for me. Lew is as my brother. A quick phone call, a visit at the farm and on Memorial Day weekend we were together during for a picnic and camp out. Last Sunday, after a day at spent with his son, grandson and great grandson working and planning the corn planting near Bushkill, Homer came home and made his transition while resting in his chair. A life complete.

Last winter I spoke to Homer at a luncheon where we honored his wife, Mary, who passed in February. In her memorial service people talked about how Homer and Mary had a stop in and talk, stop in to pick up eggs policy for neighbors and friends. They attracted many friends. That day Homer told me how he had always wanted to have 'the Farm' be a place where people could come, visit, and receive. He achieved that and that vision continues with his family. I received great gifts from Homer.

post note- Friday. Ted and I attended the funeral service yesterday. Driving by the farm there were about a half dozen people standing and talking by the barn. We stopped in to honor Homer, to come, visit and receive.